


tenderness

by cat (rileyfinns)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, i dont really post on ao3 so sorry if its like. a faux pas to tag ships when theyre not central, mostly it's internal but it mentions the ships tagged and their effects on her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 11:03:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13165587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rileyfinns/pseuds/cat
Summary: But it would always stop, wouldn’t it? It would always stop. Tenderness, Uma had learned, was fleeting.





	tenderness

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i've had this written since like. the second movie dropped honestly. i just finally wrapped it up tonight and mostly i want it out of my google docs! so!

In the end, Uma thought it was the tenderness that killed her the most. It was always the tenderness.

Mal, in her face - it meant nothing. It was easy, it was so easy, to meet her blow for blow, to run her mouth. It wasn't hard to be cruel, in general, but especially when it was for the sake of her crew. She loved them, she made them promises, everything else wasjust background noise. Did she love Mal once? Sure. Did Mal used to get in her face for an entirely different reason? Sure. Did it matter anymore? No.

Except, of course, it did. It twisted something in her stomach when she saw Mal on TV, talking to Ben, talking to reporters, living a happily ever after none of them were ever supposed to get. Did it hurt when Mal told her she wasn't bad enough? Did it hurt when Mal broke both of their hearts but had hers repaired on live television by a real life prince charming? Sure it did. Hurt like hell. Hurt that the same hands that used to grab Uma's face would sooner grab her neck now. Hurt that princes could be good to villains if they really wanted to. Hurt that no one had ever really wanted to be good to her when there was still time for it to matter.

Didn't matter now, though. Didn't. It was all just gravy. She wanted off the Isle, she wanted her crew off the Isle, if Mal got hurt? If the entire kingdom got hurt? Well, that was just the icing on the cake.

She just - she looked at her, sometimes. Looked at the way she looked at Ben. And it hurt.

And, god, don’t even get her _started_ on Ben. She had every reason - _every_ reason - in the world to hate him. He didn’t choose her, didn’t choose Harry, didn’t choose Gil, didn’t choose _her_ \- he handpicked from the Isle and left everyone else to rot. It was supposed to be a trial run, it was a trial run, right? She waited. She waited. She waited. She was done waiting by the time he was offering her a way out.

It wasn’t like he meant it, anyway. Wasn’t like she could rely on it. Wasn’t like she ever really thought she could, but then it had happened, and Mal and Jay and Carlos and Evie were swept off to Auradon, they were just - _gone,_ suddenly. There one day, gone the next.

It was for the best. She didn't like to owe people anything. But, god, was she _mad_ \- and she told him that, said it right to him, threw everything he did to her without even realizing he was doing anything right in his face, and he’d - he’d _apologized._ Said he’d never realized he’d hurt the people he didn’t take, said she was a leader, said she could come with him - it wasn’t even what he said, though, it was the way he said it, all soft eyes and earnest voice.

She didn’t need his promises. His girlfriend had made enough to her for the both of them and neither would ever keep any. Uma kept her promises. She didn’t need him to look at her like that - didn’t need _him_ to look at her - didn’t need _anyone_ to look at her like that -

Harry did, sometimes. Went all mushy around the edges when he looked at her. Got these moon eyes, all big and wide and round, and she didn’t quite know what to do about that. Didn't know when it stopped being the reverence of a first mate to his captain, didn't know if it was ever really like that in the first place. Those _eyes -_ they didn'tkill her the same, but it didn’t kill her when Mal had looked at her like that, either, not at first. It didn’t kill her until Mal stopped looking at her like that.

But it would always stop, wouldn’t it? It would always stop. Tenderness, Uma had learned, was fleeting. She had to imagine that her mom had felt something for her, once, but there was nothing now. Mal had felt something for her and there was nothing now. Maybe that was all there was, in the end. There was just… nothing.

Mal had always been good at making her feel like nothing. Ben had made her feel like a weird combination of less than that and more all at once. Harry made her feel like the only thing - her crew made her feel like the only thing.

Of course, for them, she was. They have had as much as she did, which was roughly nothing at all. All they had was hurt and disappointment and desperation, all they had was the pipe dream of getting off the Isle, and they all knew it was never going to happen, they had to, except -

Except suddenly, it could have. Except suddenly, they had had the upperhand, they had had Ben, they could’ve had the wand, so easy, and - and, alright, had she wanted to hurt Ben? No. Would she if it had meant she was getting off? Maybe. Would she if it had meant her crew was getting off? Definitely.

But it hadn't mattered. Because she had failed them. Because they loved her all the same. Because in the end, she had given them nothing. In the end, there was just nothing.

Uma would make something from it, the same way she always had, the same way she always would, and Mal and Ben would have nothing to do with it. Uma would use her tenderness for her crew the only way she knew how, and if it looked like cruelty to everyone else, that was because to everyone else, it was. That was because, to everyone else, that was all she would ever be, all they would ever see in her, they would never, ever look at her like they looked at Mal now. They would never get the chance. They did not deserve her tenderness. They would not get it.

If it stung that Ben would never see her the same way he saw her on her ship, it didn't matter, because he would have stopped eventually with or without her interference. If it stung that Mal wouldnever touch her face again unless it was to snap her neck, it didn't matter, because Mal had long since stopped. If it stung that her crew might go the same way one day, might turn their backs and switch sides if her cruelty to the enemy became too much, then - then - 

Then Uma was going to use the time she had left to do right by them. In the end, there was no one else, there was only Uma and her word, and she was going to keep them both because no one else ever had. If any of that killed her, it was the only thing that ever really had a chance to. If it killed her, she was going to go down fighting. If it killed her, she was going to die with her skin hard and her heart soft, knowing exactly who she was, knowing exactly why she was where she was. If it killed her, it was always going to. If it killed her, it always had.


End file.
